Stop Being Busy: 10 Ways You are Causing Busyness
Want to gain some insight on how to hack being busy? In this post, you’ll learn ten underlying reasons for being busy, which will help you take a step towards creating a more balanced and fulfilling life.
But First, What is Busyness?
Busyness is subjective. My definition of what being busy is might be very different than yours. Busyness is your perceived experience of the density of activities you undertake within a given day, week, month, or year. The cumulative impact of all of these activities can certainly take a toll. Busyness researcher Jonathan Gershuny (2005) explains that the feeling of being busy expands beyond the workplace to include leisure activities as well. So feeling busy at work will likely spill over into feeling busy at home and vice versa.
When we experience a sense of being overwhelmed, like when we are feeling swamped, it’s easy to assume that this is happening to us instead of identifying what’s happening within us that is perpetuating our sense of busyness. It is difficult to accept that being busy (or not busy) is primarily within our control. It’s easy to assume that external factors are solely keeping you busy (your boss, your spouse, etc.). Still, when you begin to peel back the layers, most of us find something internal to us that might also perpetuate the busyness in our lives.
10 Ways You Might Be Perpetuating Busyness
Let’s take a moment to reflect on some of the patterns contributing to your sense of being too busy. Please be kind to yourself if you find yourself represented in any of these patterns. Showing yourself empathy will help you to move towards action in a way that enables you to break free of the busyness trap.
1. Distraction from Big Feelings
When I sit quietly without any distractions, what emotions arise? Am I distracting myself from these emotions by creating more to do?
When experiencing strong emotions, seeking distraction as a form of coping is common. Take some time to identify the feelings you are experiencing and give yourself the space to process through them. Seeking therapy, talking to a trusted friend or family member, or journaling about your feelings can support processing these emotions.
2. Procrastination
Are there tasks I am avoiding, and am I opting to do other tasks instead as a form of procrastination?
When we lack confidence or ease in completing a specific task, we turn to other activities instead. If this is happening to you, show yourself some grace. Give yourself some quiet time to reflect, clearly identifying the specific tasks you are avoiding. Next, ask yourself what resources or support you need to complete these tasks. Finally, identify one action you can commit to that will help move these tasks forward, setting a deadline and identifying how you’ll hold yourself accountable. Rinse and repeat until the thing you’re procrastinating about is complete.
3. Boundary Challenges
Have I permitted myself to say no to others asking me to do more work when I don’t have the capacity? Is there work I’m taking on that no one has asked of me and doesn’t serve me or another I care for?
Research suggests that personality-specific variables lead to other-generated busyness, which may emerge in those who are more agreeable or conscientious because they are more likely to take on additional tasks (Festini et al., 2019). It can be hard to say no to someone, especially if it’s someone you care for. Sometimes, we even create work by taking on tasks that another has not requested or that don’t serve us. If you see yourself as someone who would benefit from strengthening your boundaries, many resources and supports are available (books, online resources, and psychological services). However, slowing yourself down and asking yourself if you want to do x, y, or z, then honoring your truthful response, is an excellent first step to strengthening boundaries.
4. Prioritization Challenges
Am I clear on what my priorities are? If yes, how have I aligned my priorities with the activities/work I take on?
When we have yet to clarify our priorities, it makes it challenging to manage our time, and we might take on more than we can truly tolerate. Taking the time to consider your priorities for this season of your life, and even taking the time to outline your priorities for each day, will help you to be more laser-focused on the tasks and activities that bring you closer to your goals and life aspirations.
5. Unreasonable Expectations
Do I have reasonable expectations of what I can accomplish within a day, week, month, etc.
Accomplishing a task feels so good that it can be easy to fall into a pattern of trying to achieve more than is possible on a given day. Being realistic about the time commitment needed for specific activities is critical for setting more reasonable expectations. Sometimes, these unreasonable expectations are rooted in self-worth challenges or concerns about image or social status - so read on for more you can do to build healthier expectations for yourself.
6. Self-worth Challenges
Do I feel like I’m not worthy of a life that is reasonably paced? Do I pressure myself to do more to prove my worth to myself or others?
Many feel that their worth depends on factors like how much they produce, how busy they are, or how successful they are. Taking on more tasks or having more work to achieve something you believe will make you feel worthy is a trap. Your worth exists regardless of what you produce, your success, or your achievements. The feeling of unworthiness can go so deep that one doesn’t even allow oneself to rest because they don’t believe they are worthy of rest. Take a moment to reflect on whether your worth is tied to your busyness. If so, it might be time to challenge your negative beliefs about yourself. You are worthy of a full life!
Need some help addressing your feelings of low self-worth? Therapy is an excellent inlet for examining where these feelings of self-worth began and working on reprogramming those beliefs to reflect a healthier, more authentic version of you.
7. Concerns about Image or Social Status
Do I worry that others will think I’m lazy if I slow down and rest? Am I pressuring myself to do more because I’m worried about what others think of me?
We are social beings who make sense of who we are by relating to others. As such, it is easy to begin to care deeply about what others think of us and to pursue social status to feel secure. Gershuny (2005) argues that in modern society, busyness signals high status, likely leading to long and busy hours in pursuit of social status. With the social pressures around us, it can be hard to challenge the status quo and question whether these norms around being very busy are healthy. If you have internalized these messages, consider that there might be a different path for you. Of course, only you know what it means to live your best life, and it will take reflection and continued attention to develop awareness and skills to cultivate the kind of life you most want to live.
8. Modeling and Messages in Early Childhood
Was busyness modeled by my primary caregivers growing up? If so, what were the messages I received about what it means to be busy?
Our primary caregivers play a critical role in forming the patterns we engage in throughout our lifetime. Consider the implicit or explicit messages your caregivers communicated through their words or actions about what it means to be busy. Busyness may have been rewarded in your home because it demonstrated a desire for achievement. Or perhaps your parents avoided interacting with the challenges they faced as a couple by being busy. Or maybe you watched your parents maintain hectic schedules, communicating that this is a typical and expected way to live. It is natural to internalize your caregivers' modeling and messages and continue to ascribe to them into adulthood. Understanding the origin of your patterns and how they link back to modeling and messaging from your parents will help you uncover how to shift your patterns and be authentic to you at your core.
9. Attachment to Technology
What role does technology play in my busyness? If I limited my use of specific technology, would it free up more time to invest in other priorities?
Being too attached to technology or our devices can create busyness. We’ve all likely experienced a social media coma when we stop scrolling only to find that we’ve been captivated by the screen for much longer than we had realized. Technology can be helpful to us and holds the potential to save some time if used intentionally. Consider tracking your use of technology, including how much time you spend engaging in specific kinds of technology and how productive you feel utilizing these technologies. This exercise might give you valuable insights into where you can streamline your use of technology to reduce the sense of being too busy.
10. Other Patterns
When I think about slowing down and not being so busy, what comes up for me? Does this give me any insight into what is driving my busyness?
The patterns above are not an exhaustive list. If you’re still struggling to identify the patterns you are experiencing, spend some time reflecting on this topic to deepen your understanding. Notice your self-talk around being busy (or resting); this might reveal what’s under the surface. You might also consider reflecting on these additional factors that can contribute to busyness: gender role stereotypes, mental health, job satisfaction, or attitudinal tendencies.
Let’s Bust Busyness
While you cannot control all the variables that cause you to be busy, many are within your control. Raising awareness of the patterns that perpetuate your sense of busyness is a critical first step to shifting your experience. Once you’ve identified what might be perpetuating your busy feelings, consider the internal and external resources and support you can rely on to shift your pattern into a more facilitative one. You have what it takes to make the change. Together, we’re going to bust busyness.
ABOUT ME
Hello! I’m Dr. Karen, a psychologist specializing in supporting leaders to care for their mental health and improve their heart-centered leadership through a journey of self-discovery in therapy. I write blog posts like this to indulge my passion for writing and provide information to those interested in self-development. This blog is for information purposes only and is not a form of or replacement for psychological service or treatment. If you live in Oregon and are interested in working with me, please consider checking out my website to learn more about me and my services.
References
Festini, S. B., Hertzog, C., McDonough, I. M., & Park, D. C. (2019). What Makes Us Busy? Predictors of Perceived Busyness Across the Adult Lifespan. The Journal of General Psychology, 146(2), 111. https://doi.org/10.1080/00221309.2018.1540396
Gershuny J (2005). Busyness is the badge of honor for the new superordinate working class. Social Research, 72(2), 287–314.
5 Ways Executive Therapy Can Transform Your Leadership
Being a leader can be both rewarding and challenging. Workplace demands can easily spill over into your personal life and vice versa. Given the interpersonal nature of leadership, it’s also possible that career growth can enhance your personal growth. Executive therapy can be a powerful tool for overcoming challenges, integrating learning, and elevating leadership and life success.
Let’s explore five ways therapy can be an effective tool in your leadership development journey.
1. Developing Emotional Intelligence (EI)
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is a critical intelligence for leaders. EI helps you to identify, effectively express, manage, and productively use your emotions (Salovey & Mayer, 1990). It also allows you to identify and effectively empathize with the feelings of others. How often have you been in a meeting when a big feeling arises in a colleague, and the whole meeting is derailed? Leaders with strong EI are more effective at facilitating interactions where emotions are high and managing the triggers they personally face in the workplace.
We are social animals, so it is normal to experience reactions to one another that hit us at a deep level. Therapy opens the door to learning more about your emotions and reactions and developing skills for supporting yourself and others through emotionally charged interactions. In addition, greater EI translates into more effective relationships, giving you the skills to build connections, engage with compassion, and motivate your teammates.
2. Confidence Building
Many leaders face Imposter Syndrome, a phenomenon where an individual fears exposure as an imposter (fraud). This fear perpetuates feelings of self-doubt, high levels of self-criticism, and perfectionism. It can also lead to symptoms of anxiety or depression.
Therapy provides a container to explore the underlying thoughts, patterns, and belief systems that lead to a lack of confidence in the workplace. It also offers the opportunity for skill building around boundary setting, effective communication, and stress management, all building confidence.
3. Balancing Work and Life
The demands of leadership can take a toll. Therapy helps you explore and implement stress management techniques. In addition, it’s a space to investigate how to create and maintain a rich and full personal life, which we know to be a complement to professional success.
Exploring mechanisms for balancing work and life in a way that aligns with your values has incredible personal and professional benefits. This balance can bring more connection in relationships, opportunities to invest in physical and psychological self-care, and a flow of creativity and innovation from living in a more balanced space.
4. Career Development
Your career will change throughout your life - and that’s normal! Research suggests that it’s likely that you will experience several career transitions throughout your life (Masdonati, Fresard, and Parameter, 2022). While navigating the experiences of working across a lifetime, it’s important to consider how you frame these transitions for yourself. The narrative you build about your career's ebbs and flows will significantly impact how you navigate sometimes challenging or uncertain times. Some therapists are trained in career development theory and techniques, offering an opportunity to explore your internal narratives about your career transition and to assess the possible next steps in your career journey.
5. Self-awareness
If you search Google Scholar for research articles on self-awareness and leadership, you’ll find abundant research demonstrating that self-awareness is crucial in effective leadership. Therapy is about raising self-awareness to understand and functionally align our behaviors, patterns, emotions, and identity. Your reactions in the workplace to your colleagues or specific situations beyond your control are born out of the patterns and internal narratives built early on and reinforced throughout your lifetime. We are more likely to struggle when we react unconsciously to the world around us. However, we can respond more productively when we raise awareness of ourselves in these interactions.
Therapy isn’t just useful in times of crisis or for treating a mental health condition; it is a vehicle for transforming leadership and strengthening relationships, including your relationship with yourself. If you’ve been considering therapy as a way to grow in your life and leadership, I urge you to reach out to a qualified mental health professional. Reaching out for support and using our resources shows inner strength and courage. You hold the wisdom within you; embrace the power of therapy to help you access it.
ABOUT ME
Hello! I’m Karen, a psychologist specializing in supporting leaders to care for their mental health and improve their heart-centered leadership through a journey of self-discovery in therapy. I write blog posts like this to indulge my passion for writing and provide information to those interested in self-development. This blog is for information purposes only and is not a form of or replacement for psychological service or treatment. If you live in Oregon and are interested in working with me, please consider checking out my website to learn more about me and my services.
References
Masdonati, J., Frésard, C. É., and Parmentier, M. (2022). Involuntary career changes: a lonesome social experience. Front. Psychol. 13:899051. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2022.899051Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination, Cognition, and Personality, 9(3), 185-211.
Servant Leadership: Costs & Remedies
I’m sitting in what feels like my 100th interview looking to hire a new manager, when I hear the candidate say, “I’m a servant leader”. This is not the first time I’ve heard this spoken today. Servant leadership has many benefits, but I’m not hearing from these candidates the real pain points that arise with this leadership style and how they actively address them…. this has me worried. If you’re interested in getting real with yourself and learning how to identify and remedy the potential costs of servant leadership, this is the article for you!
But First, What is Servant Leadership?
In 1970, Robert Greenleaf published an essay called “The Servant as Leader,” leading to a widely known philosophy and approach that frames the leader as a servant to their team. This approach focuses on the leader’s role in empowering others, which promotes the success of the team and the individual. Servant leadership requires a commitment to the development of each team member, as well as a sense of humility and empathy. Servant leadership has been widely adopted and developed, recognizing that this approach contributes to prioritizing team needs, well-being, and growth, leading to more functional and thriving workplaces.
Benefits of Servant Leadership
The benefits of servant leadership to an organization and its employees are many. These include, but are not limited to,
enhanced employee satisfaction,
improved team collaboration,
employee development,
increased employee retention and
contributions to an inclusive culture of belonging.
The servant leaders themselves also benefit through
an authentic expression of one’s values and beliefs,
deeper connection with teammates, and
a sense of purpose and contribution to the betterment of others.
Potential Costs & Remedies
Still, while there are many organizational and individual benefits, I have observed that there can be a personal cost to a servant leader. Some of these costs might look familiar to you too.
1. Compassion Fatigue
Servant leaders often invest significant emotional energy in supporting and empathizing with their team members' challenges and concerns. Over time, this can lead to compassion fatigue, where they feel emotionally drained and overwhelmed.
Seeking support from a mental health professional to address compassion fatigue is a wise choice. However, there are actions you can take to help prevent compassion fatigue. These include consistent engagement in self-care, mindfulness activities (meditation, yoga, breathing techniques), seeking support from a trusted friend or colleague, debriefing following a challenging conversation or incident, taking breaks, and setting healthy boundaries.
2. Balancing Employee Needs with Organizational Needs
A unit leader within an organization faces the challenging predicament of balancing their employee/team needs with the greater needs of the organization, particularly when these needs might conflict. This conflict can significantly affect the servant leader who sees themselves as responsible for serving their team.
Deepening your servant leadership philosophy beyond the team to include the whole organization and all of its employees is a critical strategy for ensuring success as a servant leader. When the organization’s needs conflict with the team or individual employee’s needs, you should take some time to reflect on what emotions or reactions are coming up for you before taking action. Attending to your feelings and the conflicts within is critical grounding. Engaging with empathy and holding space for the reactions of others can be challenging, especially when you are experiencing reactions yourself. Journal about your feelings and reactions, and consider what you might need to resolve any internal conflicts between your commitment to your team and the organization. It might also be wise to consult with your supervisor, mentor, or another supportive leader about navigating the complex terrain of balancing team and organizational needs.
3. Self-Criticism
In my experience supporting leaders, servant leaders hold themselves to a high standard of service. This high standard can be challenging to achieve given the bureaucracy of organizations, the complexity of the demands they face, and the humanness of everyone around them. If a servant leader perceives that they haven’t done enough to support their team or an individual, or if they need to make decisions that might negatively impact employees, they may experience guilt or self-criticism. Over time, this can take a toll on an individual, and I have seen moments of self-criticism turn to ongoing negative self-talk that could evolve into confidence or mental health concerns.
If you see these signs in yourself, it is helpful to identify the specific expectations you hold for yourself and question whether these expectations are reasonable in the given context. Sometimes, surfacing your expectations is enough to recognize that some are unreasonable. It may also be helpful for you to consider the messages received in childhood and identify if they have come to life in adulthood in no longer functional ways. Our primary caregivers play a critical role in forming our patterns throughout our lifetime. Consider the implicit or explicit messages your caregivers communicated through their words or actions about your responsibility to serve others. Have any of these messages been internalized in a way that might be perpetuating self-criticism or guilt related to your role as a servant leader? Understanding the origin of your patterns and how they link back to modeling and messaging from your parents will help you uncover how to shift your patterns to be authentic to you at your core.
4. Boundary Issues
Servant leaders can pressure themselves to accommodate others to the point of overly accommodating and loosening necessary boundaries. Failing to understand that there is a limit to the support they can provide can lead to overexerting oneself and can trigger stress, burnout, or other mental health concerns. In addition, while it is rare, there might also be cases where employees exploit their willingness to serve and take advantage of the servant leader. These employees are not ill-intentioned; they are likely feeling helpless, and it’s easy to turn to a servant leader with an expectation that they remove their uneasiness or discomfort. Still, this can take a tremendous toll on the servant leader.
Identifying your boundaries and practicing setting boundaries compassionately is integral to self-care and wellness. In addition, it is facilitative for those around you because you will be much more able to engage wholeheartedly in your work when you’re honoring and attending to your boundaries and needs.
5. Conflict Avoidance
Some servant leaders find it challenging to step into conflict and facilitate resolution because they wish to maintain harmony in their teams. This avoidance can impact the leader’s effectiveness in making decisions when the team cannot reach a consensus. They may also struggle with intervening when team members are in conflict, facilitating dialogues where multiple perspectives are shared, or addressing unresolved issues. There are numerous costs to avoiding conflict in the workplace.
Taking some time to engage in professional development around conflict management and to self-reflect on (and appropriately challenge) the messages you tell yourself about conflict is essential.
6. Time Pressures
Being a servant leader can be time-consuming because leaders ascribing to this approach typically invest considerable time in supporting and mentoring their team members. This workload is on top of an entire portfolio of other duties associated with their role. These time pressures can cause the servant leader to feel overwhelmed by all that is on their plate and can potentially compromise the leader’s capacity to handle other necessary responsibilities. Servant leaders often want to be directly involved in helping their team members, which might create difficulty in delegating tasks. This behavior will result in excessive workload and additional stress.
Make sure that you are clear on your priorities and that those priorities align with the expectations of your supervisor. A conversation with your supervisor to clarify those expectations will likely be necessary. Consider what you can delegate to your team to remain available to them in more meaningful ways. Finally, it will also be essential to self-reflect on the origins of your busyness. If you’re interested in learning more about this, this article on busyness might be helpful to explore these time pressures in more detail.
7. Employee-Care Over Self-Care
Servant leaders may feel a responsibility for the well-being of team members. This heightened sense of duty may lead them to prioritize the welfare of others over their self-care. Neglecting self-care has tremendous physical and psychological consequences, significantly diminishing your capacity to serve others.
If you see yourself engaging in this pattern, you’ll need to schedule protected time for self-care. Make sure that you hold boundaries around this time and allow yourself the opportunity to do the things that fill your cup. If you struggle to let go and put energy into yourself, you can reflect on what is holding you back from caring for yourself. Is it related to your feelings of self-worth, messages you’ve received in childhood about what self-care is and is not, or is it that slowing down for self-care might bring up big emotions you don’t feel prepared to process? No matter the cause, please show yourself grace if you struggle with a self-care routine. Seeking support from or reviewing resources developed by a qualified mental health professional is always an option for anyone wishing to shift behaviors or increase awareness of patterns.
8. Misunderstanding & Lack of Support or Recognition
Many organizations ascribe to hierarchical and traditional leadership cultures. The servant leader may face resistance, skepticism, or lack of support and recognition if they are in a more traditional leadership culture. This dynamic can impact one’s well-being as they don’t experience a sense of belonging or appreciation from their supervisors or colleagues.
If you’re encountering this in your workplace, first know that your style and approach are incredibly valuable, and your presence is impactful, especially to those employees who crave authentic connections. It will be vital for you to seek mentorship from someone within or beyond your organization. A trusted source who will support you in learning how to cope with the mismatch between your style and the organizational culture can be helpful. However, there might be a time when you realize that the mismatch is a sign that you are destined to work in another context. These can be hard decisions. Showing yourself the empathy and compassion you offer others through these difficult times will be critical to identifying a path forward.
From Self-Reflection to Resolution
Reflecting on the potential costs to your leadership style sets the foundation for taking relevant and purposeful action that moves you towards resolution and the most effective leadership. Prioritizing self-care, seeking support and mentorship from highly effective leaders, establishing compassionate boundaries, and taking action to maintain your mental health are crucial. Investing in yourself as a leader is the most impactful thing you can do to be your best version of a servant leader.
ABOUT ME
Hello! I’m Karen, a psychologist specializing in supporting leaders to care for their mental health and improve their heart-centered leadership through a journey of self-discovery in therapy. I write blog posts like this to indulge my passion for writing and provide information to those interested in self-development. This blog is for information purposes only and is not a form of or replacement for psychological service or treatment. If you live in Oregon and are interested in working with me, please consider checking out my website to learn more about me and my services.
Reference
Greenleaf, R.K. (1970). The Servant as Leader. The Robert K. Greenleaf Center.
Take a Break from Work
In our society, it’s easy to fall prey to a message that working hard means not taking breaks, but that’s not true. Caring for yourself by taking breaks is essential to your work performance and overall well-being. While research indicates that when a worker takes several fixed breaks throughout the day, there is an increase in work satisfaction and efficiency (Li, Xu, & Fu, 2020), the benefits don’t stop there. If you’re wavering on taking a short break at work today, let these reasons be your motivation to take a break today.
5 Reasons to Take a Break Today
1. Re-focus
Working for prolonged periods can reduce your focus and concentration. If you find your mind wandering off or catch yourself task-switching to keep yourself engaged, this is your sign to take a break.
If you’ve been staring at your screen, giving yourself a short break from technology will be essential to aid your brain in re-energizing. If you can incorporate movement into your break, this will also help. Taking a short walk around the office or stretching at your desk is all it will take to reset your brain to produce more optimal cognitive function.
2. Get Unstuck
We’ve all hit a block in our work where our capacity to be innovative and solution-focused seems compromised. Taking a break can help to stimulate our creativity and facilitate more effective problem-solving. Taking advantage of a break to re-center will be most beneficial. Consider doing a short guided meditation, do some deep breathing, or take a moment to orient to your surroundings by activating your senses. Notice how it feels to sit on the chair or stand on the floor, take in the scents of your office, feel the temperature in the room, look at the colors of the furniture, and listen to the sounds around you. These grounding techniques can help to reduce stress and unlock the parts of your brain that drive creativity and problem-solving.
3. Build Relationships
Informal conversations with our co-workers are the most powerful for fostering teamwork and collaborative success. Taking a break to connect with a colleague will help to increase your sense of connectedness and give you a much-needed break from the grind. Ask them about their weekend plans, tell them about that fun new immersive art exhibit you went to, or check in about how their kids are doing. These are the kinds of connections that grow into meaningful working relationships over time.
4. Nurture Your Body
Let’s be honest; it’s easy to get caught up in work and forget to stop and take care of our personal needs. Taking a break allows you to eat and stay hydrated. The reality is that without proper nutrition and hydration, there is no way you can sustain your energy and cognitive function throughout the workday. Grab a snack, fill up your water bottle at the water station, or do a quick yoga pose (or two or three) to stretch out all those tight muscles.
5. Do Something For You
So you haven’t made that doctor’s appointment or called the babysitter? Taking a break to attend to something on your personal to-do list accomplishes two essential tasks - taking care of yourself and getting a brain break from work. You could even take a moment to read an article online, send a text to a loved one, or watch a funny dog video. Who doesn’t love a funny dog video?!?!
You can take a few short breaks in a day and find yourself more productive, satisfied, and engaged. Give yourself the love you deserve and step away from your desk occasionally. The benefits to yourself and your work are innumerable.
ABOUT ME
Hello! I’m Karen, a psychologist specializing in supporting leaders to care for their mental health and improve their heart-centered leadership through a journey of self-discovery in therapy. I write blog posts like this to indulge my passion for writing and provide information to those interested in self-development. This blog is for information purposes only and is not a form of or replacement for psychological service or treatment. If you live in Oregon and are interested in working with me, please consider checking out my website to learn more about me and my services.
Reference
Kai Li, Shuling Xu & Hong Fu (2020) Work-break scheduling with real-time fatigue effect and recovery, International Journal of Production Research, 58:3, 689-702.